Your love tears me up, and when it’s done it puts me together.

P.S. “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, …” You know the rest. I feel like I finally felt this first part this past week. I always thought it was kind of sort of not true. Like, hey there Clive Staples Lewis. You listen here, Mister. I’m not very rich, I’m not very famous, and I’m not very beautiful. I love a great meal and a good book. I love feeling wanted by friends and loved by lovers. If the world threw all those things at me I think I’d love it very much. I think my gross desires would surely be satisfied. You don’t know much about me, Mr. Lewis. You don’t know about how sinful and dark I am. You don’t know about it.

And then a thought: Somehow, just maybe, JESUS’ LOVE FOR ME IS BIGGER THAN MY DARKEST “DESIRES” - if we can even call it that anymore? My call to him and his love for me drowns them all out? That new job? Unappealing. That chicken burrito bowl with extra corn salsa sitting there all hot and fresh and shiz? Unappetizing. That cute ass outfit? Could curr less. Whoa.

(Source: Spotify)

My first Forbes post as a contributor. Praise God!

Even though my one and only comment is a big shot woman who links another article that disagrees with my entire post and with what Jonah Lehrer wrote…….. cheers!

The 1980s… to the left of me. Yes, I am obviously living the fabulous life in New York. Everyone come travel back in time with me and Vanna Le in Apt 3R!

Listen: What does 70ºF in NYC mean? It means sitting on a bench in Williamsburg, Brooklyn overlooking the East River and the Manhattan skyline. It also means lying down and taking a long ath cat nap, only to be interrupted by a two-year-old who comes by to slap your face and runs away giggling. It means her parents come over to apologize, but walk away laughing. It also means reading a postcard my friend sent me from Japan and wishing it were actual sushi. It also means taking all these shots and putting it in these frames and then instagram-ing it to make it look all kyOote and then uploading it onto tumblr. It means GIT DA EFF OUTTA HEAAAAAA, WINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPRING RUNS DIZ TOWN, NIGGAAAAAAA.

That’s what 70ºF in NYC means.

I’ve definitely been in New York for six months now.

Do you know how I can tell?

I looked at the date I arrived (August 29, 2011) and the date today and counted the months in-between. Why, DID YOU THINK THERE WOULD BE ANY OTHER WAY TO TELL?!

My goal today is the same as my goal that day. To know thus to love Jesus more and more. My life’s obsession! No fame, no money, no treasures, no things above you, Jesus.

*edit

I had to delete #1-5 because He showed me that I wrote those parts boasting and showing off to man than glorifying His great name! He disciplines the ones He loves, and I thank Him so much for that! I wrote #1-5 because I wanted people back home to know that I’m doing well here in New York; that I’m not some loser post-grad who’s in New York doing nothing. That I’m “doin big thangs.” That I’m still the great Jenn. That I’m on my way to greatness. That I’m doing gooooooooooooood.

Well, how’s this for a real update: All that is false and I just picked out the BEST five things of my life right now to draw this fragmented, fantasy picture of a life that is all that and a bag of chips. No. I’ll showcase my struggle so that when something truly GREAT happens, it’ll be so evident and full of God’s majesty in my life.

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6. Though I have not seen Him, my heart knows Him well.

7. I have learned to be content whatever my circumstances.

8. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.

9. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

10. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

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#1-5: earthly provisions

#6-10: heavenly gifts; Philippians 4:12-13

My first New York Christmas. I hope it’s my last! I want to run run back home home.

1. Spent it with Jesus and it was so sweet.. There’s this providential promise that’s fulfilled when I walk with him consistently; I need not, I want not. I belong here, and the more I read the more I know. It’s not even just in my mind, but my whole spirit rises to this significant occasion and it just knows it was made for this, for spending time with him.

2. Temple Run………………………………………..

3. This was in my subway car a few days before Christmas. Elves were hanging upside down on the poles and hand rails right in front of weary passengers and travelers just wanting to get back home after a long day at work. New York has a funny way of making Christmas super annoying and painful.

4. My Christmas presents from my family: A Hobbes knitted stuffed doll from my 27 year old brother! (How sweet is that guy?!), Lydia Davis’ shorts, Murakami’s 1Q84, and Home Alone 1 & 2. I snuggle with Hobbes every night and there are a few sad mornings where I wake up and I need to take a few moments to re-shape him because I fell asleep on him.. currently his back has minor scoliosis, but the trauma that he’s sustained is not life threatening; hang in there buddy!! He even has some drool on him somewhere - I can’t see it, but I can smell it! Just kidding………………

God spoke and said that we need to pray for our families during this Christmas and New Year season. But pray with faith and hope and joy.. pray believing that you own the same power that conquered the grave. Don’t pray and cower in fear or discouragement… which happens a lot when we start praying for our families. Pray with authority because Jesus has given it to you. Just wanted to share that with everyone. Just got off the phone with my pops. He shared with me some of his struggles, and some of the family struggles. Just hit me that just as much as I pray for restoration, my family needs restoration and needs to be filled with joy, again.

I’m glad that the Kingdom of God is all power and not weakness. I’m glad that all things are possible 1. with God and 2. to him who believes. I’m glad that Jesus answers a man in distress with this: “IF I can? All things are possible to him who believes. Do you believe?”. I’m glad that there’s power in His name to break every chain. I’m glad that He takes our mourning and turns it into dancing. I’m glad I can write a whole tumblr post based on song lyrics and it’s still powerful as hale because it’s THE TRUTH AND TRUTH CANNOT BE TAMED; TRUTH CANNOT BE SHUT OUT; TRUTH CANNOT STAY QUIET.


Ephesians 3:14-21. It is NOT a coincidence that I went to Redeemer and Tim Keller spoke on this message and it rocked me. It is NOT a coincidence that I hella needed a pick me up tonight and I turned on P. Robinson’s podcast and it was Ephesians 3:14-21.


Something about strengthening our inner being during this holiday season. Something about strengthening our inner being so that we can:

1. comprehend and grasp (breadth, length, height, depth of the love of Christ)
2. KNOW THIS LOVE that surpasses even the sharpest knowledge

Lord I want a sincere, true, honest knowing of you. I want Paul’s prayer to be fulfilled over my life: “O, taste and see that the Lord is good.” I want a fullness of You that goes beyond “just a feeling”…… I want it to be my life and DISPLAYED for all to see.

Goodnight! and Merry Christmas. - His name is Emmanuel: GOD WITH US.
Emmanuel through this season, Emmanuel every season of my life.

I hate meeting someone new and then feeling like I was really boring and that he/she went away with a “eh nothing special” attitude about me. It makes me really uncomfortable when I can’t make the person laugh or when I choke on my own words or when I blindly feel around for the next set of words. A lot of times I’ll flake because I don’t want to deal with the depression I feel after a “dry” or “boring” meeting. It’s a hell of a lot easier to avoid it completely than to wrestle with it throughout the middle of the date. Also, I didn’t know how insecure I was about this until today! It makes me happy to identify an area of my life that I utterly suck at, and even happier to know that I can now start my journey toward shedding that skin.